


video feed lost

by shittycarmodsdaily



Category: SCP Foundation
Genre: Gen, Non-Graphic Violence, Religion, aren't you tired of being observed? don't you just want to be unknowable?, not beta read or edited we coldpost like men., type green meri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittycarmodsdaily/pseuds/shittycarmodsdaily
Summary: meridiana has spent her whole life as something for someone else's consumption.she's done with that now, she thinks.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	video feed lost

**Author's Note:**

> i may or may not expand on this (although yeah, it could probably use it). in the meantime enjoy this fresh uncut Meri Going Apeshitt, straight from the google doc and formatted terribly because ao3 hates me
> 
> if author clef finds this im gonna be clear here and now that this is between me and god

Meri sits on her bed in the dark a few nights after she turns seventeen and thinks to herself _I’m sick of being something pretty_. It’s not the first time she’s thought this by far, but there was always something in the way of allowing herself to think it to its full extent:

When she was fourteen, her first year in containment, she prayed every night for an answer, and told herself every morning when none came that she just needed to be more patient, more pious. It would all reveal itself in time. Right? 

When she was fifteen, she pinched herself every time she caught herself wishing her life were different. God makes no mistakes, Meri. This is His plan for you. (She just could never seem to think of a reason _why._ )

When she was sixteen, she said aloud into her empty room “You were never there, were you,” begging for a sign to the contrary, something to prove her wrong, and cried herself to sleep when nothing happened.

And now she is seventeen, and she doesn’t know if there’s anything that makes this something she _has_ to suffer through anymore, and she’s tired. Tired of weekly physical examinations, tired of the cameras in the corners of her room watching her every day, tired of the little comments the people working with her give that are probably supposed to be compliments but which just remind her again of her awful, painful body that she’s never experienced as something for herself, only something for other people to observe. She’s sick of being observed.

Something bubbles up in her, something she has been pushing down for a long, long time, and for once in her life she lets it take over.

VIDEO LOG — Incident 166-C

  
NOTES: For comprehensive discussion of the events described in this log, refer to Incident Report 166-C.

  


[BEGIN LOG]

  


22:56: SCP-166 sits up in bed facing her window and remains stationary for some time.

23:11: SCP-166’s antlers, previously thought to be inert, begin emitting low levels of light from “veins”. SCP-166 does not acknowledge this or move. Light emissions increase steadily over the next few minutes.

23:16: Light emission from antlers abruptly ceases and resumes several seconds later, coinciding with SCP-166’s eyes beginning light emission as well. Three eyes are visible, matching up with SCP-166’s documented post-incident appearance. Video quality begins to degrade at this time.

23:17: SCP-166 tears her upper bedsheet into pieces and ties it around herself as a makeshift dress. 

23:19: SCP-166 moves to her bathroom. Bedroom camera footage quality increases in her absence. Bathroom camera footage quality degrades. 

23:20: SCP-166 destroys her mirror and takes two large shards from it. She then rips the bathroom camera off of the wall, crushes it, and moves back into her bedroom. Bathroom camera footage cuts off and associated security alarm triggered. Bedroom camera footage quality degrades significantly as she moves back inside.

23:22: SCP-166 begins hacking off her hair with the broken pieces of her mirror. 

23:25: SCP-166 finishes cutting off the majority of her hair. Immediately afterward, site security reaches her containment cell.

23:26: Security enters SCP-166’s containment with intent to detain. She responds with force. As fighting continues, camera footage specifically depicting SCP-166 becomes distorted to an unrecognizable degree. Minor spacial distortion of containment cell visible in camera footage.

23:31: SCP-166 ceases movement and collapses onto floor.

23:32: Security personnel engage SCP-166 in conversation.

23:34: SCP-166 agrees to leave with site security.

23:35: Bedroom camera footage cuts off. Visual distortion in camera footage depicting SCP-166 continues as she is escorted throughout the facility.

  


[END LOG]  
  
---  
  
Several days later, Meri sits in a room across from a warm middle-aged woman, avoiding her gaze. She scratches absently at the bandage on her cheek and immediately regrets it.

“You know, many people with anomalies feel it gets to be too much sometimes. You’re not the first person I’ve talked to who’s done something like this,” the woman says in a soothing, gentle voice that feels like sandpaper to Meri’s ears. She can feel her trying to make eye contact without even looking. At least there’s only one pair of eyes on her in this room; she’s not sure what she did, but apparently (based on the chatter she’s overheard) cameras no longer pick her image up properly. The thought makes her almost smile in spite of herself.

The woman is staring at her, and Meri realizes she’s expected to say something. She’s not sure what, exactly. “I’m sorry,” maybe? That would be the nice thing to say, and Meri’s supposed to be a nice girl, after all. I’m sorry I cut off my hair. I’m sorry I bit that woman on the site security team. I’m sorry you all have been looking at me for the past four years of my life. I’m sorry I’m never going to allow you to look at me again.

“...This isn’t just some one time thing,” she says, feeling her head go light like it does when she says things she’s afraid to. “I’m not going back to how I was.”

“Of course you aren’t,” the woman says, and without looking Meri can practically _hear_ the condescending smile in her sugary tone. “You know, if you work with the Foundation, we’re willing to adjust whatever you need about your containment, within reason.” Meri feels hot under the bedsheet dress she’s wearing.

“No. You don’t understand. I’m not _doing_ this anymore.” Something catches her vision from the corner of her eye, and she realizes that the camera in the corner is melting, dripping down the side of the wall like frosting off a cake on a hot day, and she realizes on some level _That’s me doing that, isn’t it,_ and she’s terrified and exhilarated in equal measure but the thought most running through her head is _I can make them never look at me again. I’ll be okay. Nobody will ever look at me again unless I want them to_.

**Author's Note:**

> catch me on tumblr @bottledick for much more incoherent scp content and thanks for reading


End file.
